Inversing
by Noca
Summary: Where Sasuke is female, Naruto fights a queer guy, and Kakashi is Kabuto's Daddy, you will always find the sweaty, makeup-wearing, Orochimaru.(PG13formaturethemeslanguageooconeshot)


**Inversing**

* * *

Orochimaru got up, expecting Kabuto to follow. The grimy walls showed his reflection, and was identical to the slimy afterthoughts people around here call saliva It gave him joy to see himself. His mother always said he was a handsome young man. And he was. Just look at his long, oily black hair, his pale, clammy skin...and who could ignore his shiny round belt? He had won it long, long, ago. He was the stripping prince. He even had it engraved: Dicksey Norris in silver letters spread across the top of the brass buckle. It was the brand of his first...um... oh yes, he was steamin'. 

"Me snakes are more lively, today, and silky, and shiny, and sexay, and-"

"Yep", Kabuto replied to shut the old man up, he was concentrating. "I found the card, sire"

Orochimaru's eyes flickered as he extended a fifty-year old arm to grasp the card, only he missed, and tried with the other.

"I told youse they were frisky today, didn't I?"

"No you didn't"

"Shut up, fag. You know I said it"

Kabuto looked to the ground and smirked to himself. He knew it was only a matter of time before they were found out. It always happened that way. Maybe not, It didn't happen yet, that is why his Orochimaru-sama said, in a rage of revengeful thoughts, "I think I wanna conquer Konoha today"

What the old man said, he did.

Orochimaru shifted his oval eyes to Kabuto, who in turn ignored him and stared down at his shinobi cards. Trying to focus. Trying to keep his _real _hopes in sight. Flipping curiously through each one, he took the fifth card and held onto it with his teeth. It looked as if there was steam on his lenses, though the room was cool. Orochimaru tightened his pastel-violet obi, he liked it tight. It gave him... pleasure.

"I have already sent Jiroubou, Sakon, Tayuya, and..." , Orochimaru tried, but could not remember the name of the fourth. Oh well, give him time, he is senior, you know.

Kabuto fixed his glasses and snapped out of the pit of concentration. On his card was a man, his ability was stretched more to stealth than anything. And he had a mask covering his bored face, a Konoha head protector he wore. Sharingan. Anbu. Kakashi Hatake. In one breath, Kabuto said,

"Daddy"

Across Konoha, something furry was happening. Two giant snakes with glistening scales, and teeth that would wake the pathos in anyone, erupted from the Earth. They shook all that was near. Black eyes with yellow pupils seemed to be the least of konoha's problems, because the serpents' hiss sounded like a dying convertible. Loud. Annoying. Tremendously strong. Earthquakes invaded Konoha's crust, sending Hell to anyone who fell through the borders of the world. And yet, the idiotic Hokage and the villagers still clench their fists, waiting for the match to proceed.

Orochimaru looked into his crystal balls (yep, I told you he wasn't human) and laughed, snickered, as loud as he could. His plan was working, it was _actually working. _Harsh poignancy in his chest reminded him he forgot to take his glucose tablets (I did say he was diabetic).

"Lift, bend, and twist!" said Orochimaru happily as he digested his pills, each time spreading his legs apart as if he was riding a horse. Kabuto covered his face in embarrassment.

and...

Sakon flew through the air; his second head was bobbing up and down uselessly behind him. Although he loved his second head (It was a gift from his father), it got in the way of cold, hard, business. But not this time. It was a simple execution. He could definitely take a four foot twelve year old.

Naruto gave up on the fight between his semi-enemy and the sandy boy with clown hair. He stumbled up the steps and ignored the angry stares of people around him trying to concentrate. Any scum would want to see this fight, but not him, not today at least. He had won against Neji, he was clear of bad thoughts.

Meanwhile, in the ring, Sasuke was hurting. No, not emotionally...

Uchiha grunted, " ...menstruation..." Blood had spurted from his knuckles, and he had used up his last Chidori. Every trick he had had been used in a vain attempt to claim victory from the boy that was his same age... but..._ stronger_. Itachi hadn't only taken away his clan...he...

meanwhile...

Naruto coughed disrespectfully as he exited he dome; it was much cooler out here, anyway. He was sweaty, but he thought girls liked that, so he dismissed he idea on deodorant as well. Oh, yeah, Naruto was one smoo-ooth fella. But out of the corner of his eye, he saw a blur of purple and white. A two-headed man with pink lipstick appeared before him. He wore a beige toga like robe, and he had multiple teeth protruding from his mouth, though they were clean and white. His arms fell near his hips and violet obi, pulled tight like his master's. Some shirt spilled out from over the purple robe, but the man seemed thin.

"Ah! Oh no! Guards!"_ Orochimaru sama told me there wouldn't be any guards...!_ , ranted Sakon while staring at the boy in the orange suit. He glued his hands to his head, gulped loudly as trying to swallow his last swallow, and grasping at his hair as to pull it out of himself. His skinny knees were knocking against each other, and his eyelids were pulled high off his gelatin orbs.

Naruto flinched once, but stood his ground.

"Hey, queer!", said Naruto

The man looked up from his mental crisis.

"What? I think I'll take my shoes off!", said the two headed human as he slipped his limited two dress shoes of his dainty feet and lightly sent them to the ground. He had one arm out in front of him; the other was on his hips. This was something similar to a teenage girl taking her earrings off to fight another female.

I can take him! Orochimaru-sama will be proud. Yes, I shall do it for him!

Once Sakon had gotten his self-esteem back, Naruto chuckled, then bawled out in laughter that sent him to the ground. He wiped his tearful eyes and said:

"If you were a _man_ I'd punch you!", said the blondie between snorts.

across town...

Kabuto had left Orochimaru, skipping trees and almost slipping on a sticky branch. He moved his glasses up to his nose with his middle finger, a trademark motion that he was well known for, and felt the smooth Anbu mask on his face. He was to be at the dome, watching Sasuke's match. But he couldn't help but think, Kakashi would be there. Kabuto just hoped that Sasuke's five star ass was worth this...

* * *


End file.
